Thank you for downloading NHStart™. Before you start consulting, please read these instructions carefully and follow the correct patient procedures. Keep these instructions safe for future reference.
Caution: If you consult your virtual doctor for long periods, take a 10 to 15 minute break every hour or so.
NHStart your healthcare journey!
Welcome and enter the topsy-turvy world of NHStart™, the sequel to the critically acclaimed NHS redirect. Navigate the maze of various automated healthcare algorithms to reach a mutually agreed clinical management plan.
Chest pain? Shortness of breath? Smartphone addiction? Enter your symptoms carefully to see if they perfectly match any of our textbook presentation clinical pathways. Remember our efficient closed-question clerking system will only accept binary YES/NO responses. Full 24-7 out of hours (OOH) support requires an additional in-app purchase.
You shall not pass!
Forget Gandalf, defeat the gatekeeper to encounter the wizard of the modern era. If the gatekeeper is too difficult, you can advance by spending HealthGold™ coins to purchase a referral to access whichever wizard you think you need to see. Remember to save your progress regularly as medical records are not automatically shared across services. Refunds unavailable.
Experience the immersive dynamics of the inverse care law. Book exclusive appointments only available to patients who play NHStart™ and are physically or mentally able to use our technology.
Don’t wait until it’s too late!
Just can’t wait any longer? Well, what are you waiting for? Experience healthcare like never before by downloading and playing NHStart™ today!
‘I just couldn’t wait any longer and had to jump the queue with a reasonably costed NHStart loan.’ – Patient X
‘I accidentally diverted an emergency ambulance when ordering my repeat prescription.’ – Patient Y
‘I was constantly reminded that I couldn’t put a price on health and finally I succumbed to purchasing a recurring monthly contract.’ – Patient Z
‘After a number of failed attempts, I was eventually able to select the exact sequence of symptoms for the algorithm to take me seriously.‘ – Patient XYZ